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El Segundo

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About El Segundo

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  1. Ralph is driving home one evening, when he suddenly realizes that it's his daughter's birthday and he hasn't bought her a present. He drives to the mall, runs to the toy store, and says to the shop assistant, "How much is that Barbie doll in the window?" In a condescending manner, she says, "Which Barbie?" She continues, "We have Barbie Goes to the Gym for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Ball for $19.95, Barbie Goes Shopping for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Beach for $19.95, Barbie Goes Nightclubbing for $19.95, and Divorced Barbie for $265.00." Ralph asks, "Why is the Divorced Barbie $265.00 when all the others are only $19.95?" "That's obvious," the saleslady says. "Divorced Barbie comes with Ken's house, Ken's car, Ken's boat, Ken's furniture..."
  2. Wife: "How would you describe me?" Husband: " A B C D E F G H I J K ." Wife: "What does that mean?" Husband: "Adorable, beautiful, cute, delightful, elegant, fashionable, gorgeous, and hot." Wife: "Aw, thank you, but what about I J K?" Husband: "I'm just kidding!"
  3. How do you tell the difference between an Australian Police Officer, a Canadian Police Officer, an American Police Officer and a Scottish police officer? QUESTION:You’re a policeman, on duty by yourself. You are walking on a deserted street late at night. Suddenly, an armed man with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you and screaming something that sounds like obscenities, raises the knife and lunges at you. You are carrying your truncheon and are an expert in using it. However, you have only a split second to react before he reaches you What do you do? ANSWERS: Australian Police Officer: Firstly, the Officer must consider the man's human rights. 1) Does the man look poor and/or oppressed? 2) Is he newly arrived in this country and does not yet understand the law? 3) Is this really a knife or a ceremonial dagger? 4) Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack? 5) Am I dressed provocatively? 6) Could I run away? 7) Could I possibly swing my truncheon and knock the knife out of his hand? 8 ) Should I try and negotiate with him to discuss his wrong-doings? 9) Why am I carrying a truncheon anyway and what kind of message does this send to society? 10) Does he definitely want to kill me or would he be content just to wound me? 11) If I were to grab his knees and hold on, would he still want to stab and kill me? 12) If I raise my truncheon and he turns and runs away, do I get blamed if he falls over, knocks his head and kills himself? 13) If I hurt him and lose the subsequent court case, does he have the opportunity to sue me, cost me my job, my credibility and the loss of my family home? Australian Police Officer: BANG ! American Police Officer: BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! 'Click'...Reload... BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! Glasgow Police Officer: "Haw, Jimmie....! Drop the wee knifie reet this minute noo, unless ye want it stuck up yer arse!"
  4. Shortly after President Bush took office, an old veteran approached the White House from the park across Pennsylvania Ave. where he'd been sitting on a park bench. He spoke to the US Marine standing guard and said, "I would like to go in and meet with President Clinton." The marine looked at the vet and said, "Sir, Mr. Clinton is no longer president and no longer resides here." The old vet said, "Okay," and walked away. The following day, the same vet approached the White House and said to the same Marine, "I would like to go in and meet with President Clinton." The marine again told the vet, "Sir, Mr. Clinton is no longer president and no longer resides here." The vet thanked him and, again, just walked away. The third day, the same vet approached the White House and spoke to the very same Marine saying, "I would like to go in and meet with President Clinton." The Marine, understandably agitated at this point, looked at the vet and said, "Sir, this is the third day in a row that you have been here asking to speak to Mr. Clinton and I've already told you that Mr. Clinton is no longer the president and no longer resides here. Don't you understand?" The old vet looked at the Marine and said, "Oh, I understand. I just love hearing it." The marine snapped to attention, saluted and said, "See you tomorrow, Sir!"
  5. A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?" The dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me capitalism. Your mother, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the people. The nanny, we'll consider her the working class. And your baby brother, we'll call him the future. Now, think about that and see if that makes sense." The little boy goes off to bed thinking about what dad had said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has soiled his diaper. The little boy goes to his parents' room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed. The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now." The father says, "Good son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about." The little boy replies, "Well, while capitalism is screwing the working class, the government is sound asleep, the people are being ignored and the future is in deep shit."
  6. Politicians and diapers have one thing in common: they should both be changed regularly… and for the same reason.
  7. John gets pulled over on the highway for speeding... John: "Is there a problem officer?" Cop: "You exceeded 80 in 55 zone. May I see your license?" John: "Ahhhh, why don't I spare you the trouble, officer? I don't have a license, so I shouldn't be driving this car that I jacked from this dude I just killed. The gun I used is right here in the glove box and his body is in that trunk" Cop: "Holy shit!" The cop contacts his PD and in moments there are more cops everywhere. The chief of police steps up. Chief: "Sir, may I see your license?" John: "Sure" - John had his license. Chief: "May I see the vehicle's owner registration?" John: "Sure" - It was his car. Chief: "Could you open your glove box?" John: "Sure" - There were no weapon... Chief: "Could you pop open your trunk?" John: "Be my guest" - There were no bodies in the trunk. Chief: "Sorry to put you through this, but the officer who called me said you were driving without a license, you had stolen the car, you had a gun in the glove box, and the owner's dead body in the trunk" John: "Yeah, I bet that lying son of a bitch also told you that I was speeding..."
  8. Aber sind gem Anlage 2 Abschnitt 2 Unterabschnitt 2 Nr. 1.8 Armbrüste nicht wieder von der WBK-Pflicht ausgenommen?
  9. Hi, 

    du trittst den falschen Hund.?

     

    Ich habe die Ausschreibung nicht erstellt, sondern lediglich das übermittelte PDF auf meiner Seite veröffentlicht.

     

    Ich habe das Dokument auf der Web-Seite korrigiert, und der ewige Meckerer (honni soit qui mal y pense) hat sich je bisher noch nicht angemeldet?.

     

    Grüße

    Peter

  10. http://www.rwd-mb3.de/ftechnik/pages/mzg64.htm
  11. A little old Amish lady is trotting down the road in her horse and buggy when she is pulled over by a cop. "Ma'am, I'm not going to ticket you, but I do have to issue you a warning. You have a broken reflector on your buggy." "Oh, I'll let my husband Jacob know as soon as I get home," said the little old Amish lady. "That's fine," said the officer. "Another thing, ma'am. I don't like the way that one rein loops across the horse's back and around one of his testicles. I consider that animal abuse. That's cruelty to animals. Have your husband take care of that right away!" Later that day, the little old Amish lady is home telling her husband about her encounter with the cop. "Well, what exactly did he say?" said the husband. "He said the reflector is broken." "I can fix that in two minutes. What else?" "I'm not sure," said the little old Amish lady, "something about the emergency brake...."
  12. A rookie highway patrol officer stopped a car for speeding. The driver asked, "Gee officer can't you just give me a warning"? The officer said,"Sure". He stepped back, drew his .357 magnum and fired a shot across the hood of the car. "Anything else?" said the rookie.
  13. A policeman was interrogating 3 blonde ladies who were training to become detectives. To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the first blonde a picture for 5 second and then hides it."This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?" The first blonde answers, "That's easy, we'll catch him fast because he only has one eye!" The policeman says, "Well...uh...that's because the picture shows his PROFILE." Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture for 5 seconds at the second blonde and asks her, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?" The second blonde giggles, flips her hair and says, "Ha! He'd be too easy to catch because he only has one ear!" The policeman angrily responds, "What's the matter with you two?? Of course only one eye and one ear are SHOWING because it's a picture of his profile!! Is that the best answer you can come up with?" Extremely frustrated at this point, he shows the picture to the third blonde and in a very testy voice asks, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?" He quickly adds "...think hard before giving me a stupid answer." The blonde looks at the picture intently for a moment and says, "Hmmmm...the suspect wears contact lenses." The policeman is surprised and speechless because he really doesn't know himself if the suspect wears contacts or not. "Well, that's an interesting answer... wait here for a few minutes while I check his file and I'll get back to you on that." He leaves the room and goes to his office, checks the suspect's file in his computer, and comes back with a beaming smile on his face. "Wow! I can't believe it...it's TRUE! The suspect does in fact wear contact lenses. Good work! How were you able to make such an astute observation?" "That's easy," the blonde replied. "He can't wear regular glasses because he only has one eye and one ear."
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